Splash Valley
I went to Splash Valley on Sunday. I had a blast! Me, Caleb, and Kerry ended up going. We had invited Amanda to go with but she had one excus after another to why she didnt want to go with. Even though it was her idea.
Amanda had said on Saturday that she wanted to go to Splash Valley. So, on Sunday I gave my grandma a call to see if she would watch Tori and she said yes. So, I packed up Tori with all of her things and dropped her off. As I was unpacking her things for my grandma Caleb had called me and said that she didn’t want to come with anymore. I was like “are you serious?!” I go through the trouble of finding a babysitter and packing up my daughter and now you don’t want to go? Ugh! So I had words with her letting her know that when you are friends with people who have kids you have to make sure that you are going to follow through with what you say that you are going to do. And if you are unsure then just say that you aren’t sure that you are going. Don’t tell me on Sunday in the morning that you want to go and then a couple hours later on the same day say that you aren’t going to go.
But, after that we ended up picking up our friend Kerry and having a great day! Caleb got really burnt but he’ll be okay. I hope to go back there at least one more time before the season ends. In August though I will be able to swim all day long while everyone else goes to six flags. I wish that I could go but I get extremley sick even on the carousel because of my equilibrium problem. I’ll still have fun with no one to bug me all day long!!
Add a comment July 20, 2010
Tied or Untied
I have been going back and forth with this idea for a long time now. Even before Tori was born. Should I get my tubes tied?? Or should I just wait and see what the future holds?? I am sure of what I want to do now. Tie my tubes. There are no other options for me. I don’t want to go on all different kinds of birth control that I have to remember to pop a pill or go to the doctor and get a shot. And I don’t want my weight to keep going up. That’s one of the reasons why I won’t go back on birth control because I don’t want to gain anymore weight and I don’t want an “oops” to happen. Tori was not an “oops” she was more of a ” I want to make my boyfriend happy”. I had goals and dreams of traveling the world and becoming something great and I know that I can still do that but it will just have to happen later in life.
I love my daughter don’t get me wrong. But if she hadn’t come when she did then there wouldn’t be any kids or grandkids coming from me. I didn’t want to have kids. I wanted to be able to go and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without having to check-in with anyone. But all of that is changed now which I think is good because she keeps me in check. She makes me realize that I have to slow down and think about my decisions before I act on them.
So, the final decision that I have made for myself is to get my tubes tied. I don’t want anymore kids. I want to enjoy the one that I have and I don’t want to have to start all over again with a brand new baby now or ever. Kids are so much work but so rewarding. It feels good to know that people think that your baby is smart, beautiful, and well-behaved. But it’s a lot of work to keep them smart and to maintain their behavior. Nothing about raising a child is easy and especially when you don’t get as much help as you had thought you were going to get. That issue is a whole new post on a day that Caleb pisses me off, LOL. But I have thought about this since I had found out that I was pregnant with Tori. I know that I am a great mom to her but that’s all that I can handle…I have to be honest with myself. Plus, I am not financially stable to take care of any more babies. That’s the one thing that I don’t understand that people don’t think of….if you can’t afford or get by with the situation that you are in now then why have more kids? Yes, babies are cute and sweet but they are also smelly, loud, and make a path of destruction where ever they go.
I am very thankful, grateful, appreciative of the family that I have that supports me and helps me with my daughter. I couldn’t imagine what someone women go through with no help or support from their family. I appreciate everything that they do for me. Everything from helping me watch her, help me financially, and help me have a home when I needed it. I would be nothing without them. I think that’s why I ignore some of the things that I don’t see eye to eye with them and they ignore about 95% of the things that irritate them about me 
So, my decision is that Ashley is NOT having anymore kids. Now adoption on the other hand is something that I would love to do. My aunt who I consider my mom took me under her wing when I was eleven and I hope that one day I can do that for a child who has no parents. I would want to give them a loving home to grow up in. But, they have to be potty trained and out of that baby stage, LOLOL. You never know what the future holds. And in my case I hope everything good and positive
Add a comment July 14, 2010
Weekend Recap
This weekend was the best weekend ever!
The Bush races were awesome…only two wrecks but thats ok, lol Kyle Bush won the race but I think he got lucky. Then on Saturday we went to the NASCAR. We got theere around noon which was good because there was a ton of things to look at and tons of things that were free!! I love free things. Then I bought myself and Tori a new shirt and then we watch the races. I did get a lot of sun but hopefully I will tan and not just burn and then it all goes away.
Then on Sunday me and Caleb just took a day to ourselves. It was really nice for it to be just him and I because we always have his parents with and thats when the fights start. We went up to Orland Park mall and just walked around and looked at everything. Then we came home and went and say the movie Dispicable Me. It is the cuteiest move I have ever seen and it was 3D.
Then today I went and picked up my Princess and foudn out that she was awesome with her grandparents. And they took lots of pictures while they were camping. Over all the entire weekend was a success!!
Add a comment July 12, 2010
Off to the races
Today’s the day for the Bush car races and NASCAR qualifying. I’m super excited! I’ve been to the Chicagoland Speedway before but only for the Indy car races…but those I have to say are my favorite. I’m still super tired though because I work 10p – 7am this morning. Last night had to be the longest night of my life. I was ready to go home at 230am. I got a little bit of sleep but then I had to get up and get ready to go.
Caleb has been having attitudem today because he’s pissed off that he has to work tonight and can’t see the Bush car race. But, you know if I had to work then thats what happened. I can’t give everyone attitude just because I have a job. There are lots of people out there that I’m sure would love to even have a job! He is just mad because I am going without him. Oh well we can’t all get what we want in life. And of course since he couldn’t go then it was all “Well it must be nice to have a part-time job….some of us have real jobs”. Whatever fuck you. He knows that I’ve been applying every where and anywhere for full-time jobs. It’s ok though he can be mad. I’m going to have a great time at the races and he will just have to wait till tomorrow.
On a lighter side my Aunt is watching my daughter all weekend long….and shes gonna be camping! I hope she likes it and she behaves for everybody. They all adore her let’s hope they still feel the same way on Monday morning. =D
Add a comment July 9, 2010
Stuck between a rock and a hard place…
Caleb and I have been going out for going on 4 years now and I still feel as though we just met. Everything with us happened very quickly. And I don’t know how any of this happened…..or how I let this happen.
On September 4th 2006 I and Caleb met. That night we started dating; we barley even knew each other. We didn’t take the time to even be friends, go out on a couple dates, or figure out if we were even right for each other. Then two years later on September 5th 2008 we had our daughter Victoria. Victoria is the love of my life, the apple of my eye, my reason for living. But, she came way too quickly and unexpectedly. We were young inexperienced in life and definitely not ready for a baby. But, I was determined to take care of her. She didn’t ask to be born and it wasn’t her fault that I and her father made stupid decisions.
I loved my pregnancy! It couldn’t have gone any better or any smoother for a young mom. Could I have made smarter decisions?? Could I have come clean with the fact that I was pregnant at 17?? Yes, I could have but I didn’t. I hid my pregnancy until I was showing and I felt ashamed that I was repeating old habits; I was becoming my mother all over again. After, getting over the fact that I was going to have a baby and be a mom I embraced my pregnancy. Caleb, on the other hand, did not embrace any of it. He never tired to help me, he never came to any doctor’s appointments, he never asked how I or the baby were doing, nothing. And the day of my first ultrasound when we found out that she was a girl he was mad that she wasn’t a boy. When Tori finally arrived Caleb was there for the birth and that was it. He was in and out of her life for the first 6 to 8 months of it. It wasn’t as though I expected anything different.
So, now we are in present day and our 4 year anniversary is coming up and our daughters 2nd birthday is the day after that. And what the fuck do I have to show for it?! Not a damn thing that’s what! We have been off and no for the whole 4 year relationship. We have lived together 3 times with his parents thinking that he would have matured but for the 3rd time now I’m seeing that nothing has changed. And I can’t say that I’m surprised. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to him.
I think what the problem is….is that I’m just not the right girl for him. And to be honest I don’t think that he is the right guy for me. I want a guy who doesn’t need his mom for everything all the time. I understand that everyone needs a mom and that your mom is there for you whenever you need her. But, come on! Also, I need someone who isn’t so controlling. I can’t leave the house to see my grandmother in the hospital without him calling me every half hour. I can’t go and see my grandpa who only comes into town once a year from Florida without a phone call asking me when I’m coming home. Oh….and going out alone with friends, for get about it! And that’s just the start of it. The things that I need in a man is:
1.) Independance
2.) Understanding
3.) Not jealous
4.) Not controlling
5.) Trust
6.) Common Interest
I mean the list can go on and on and on. I don’t know maybe I’m just to picky. I feel that finding the right guy is like finding your dream home. When your looking for it you have this picture in your head of what you want but as you start looking at the houses you find that you are going to have to give in on somethings somewhere. If you want your perfect dream house your going to have to build it your damn self; just like a boyfriend. But the thing is that you can’t build them…which kinda sucks.
Caleb’s idea of a good girlfriend is bascially his mother. She works full time, cleans the house ( as best as she can without the help from her family), does the laundry, waits on everyone hand and foot, and does everyone’s dirty work. He wants his woman to make dinner, serve it to him, do all the shopping, all the cleaning, take care of him when he’s sick, listen to him and what he says goes, he just want to control every aspect of a womans life. And that’s not me. You want dinner?? If I’m not busy with something else I’ll make it…if not get off your lazy ass and cook. You have dirty laundry?? Then wash it! You want a pepsi?? Get up and get it! I am not your maid. You want me to do nice things for you when you are an ass to me?! Fuck you!! That’s not going to happen. Which is why we get into so many fights because I am not the kind of girl that he wants.
Soon I’m going to have to decide wether to leave him completely or just deal with it. The second option doesn’t look to good though. I am to independant and too goal oriented to let some guy tell me what I’m going to do and how I’m going to do it. Eventually everything will fall into place and all will be good. Until then I will just have to keep my options open.
1 comment July 7, 2010
